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August 09 2017

22:06
6425 712e 390

nervouspearl:

Bernie Wolfe | first and last

August 06 2017

19:21

British Memes Gothic

storywonker:

  • There is a Nandos on every street. They are all cheeky. You do not know what makes them cheeky. Each houses a garrison of lads. You do not want to enter, but you cannot resist a cheeky Nandos. The smell of banter and peri peri overwhelms you.
  • A meerkat is trying to sell you insurance. You have forgotten what the insurance is for. All that matters is the comparison. If you are good and do not protest, the meerkat promises, you will get a free meerkat toy.
  • Freddos are too expensive. No-one you know remembers a time when they were the right price. You stare at the sweet shelf, lost in the glamour of the Pick'n'mix and the little chocolate frogs.
  • The DFS sale is now on. It is always now on. Has it ever been off? No matter. It is now on. If you hurry, you can get a year of interest-free payments.
  • Jamie Oliver is on the television. Jamie Oliver is in your school. Jamie Oliver is in your kitchen, cooking an eight-course banquet in 30 minutes. It’s full of big flavours. He always has enough herbs. You do not ask where he gets them from. You can only be thankful it’s Jamie Oliver and not Heston Blumenthal.
  • Everyone watched Dick and Dom when they were a child, no matter their age. Do they age? Where have they gone? What was the nature of their bungalow? Are they of the same deathless kindred as Bruce Forsyth? You suspect Graham Norton may also be involved.
  • There are four candles. Everyone you mention them to thinks you’re talking about utensils.
  • A car races past you. Behind the wheel is a man screaming about POWER. This is the worst day… in the world.
  • When you sleep, you can hear Stephen Fry behind your eyelids, asking you about the significance of the march hare to the Aztecs. You say that they worshipped them. Klaxons blare from all around.

August 03 2017

20:05

I’m a good person and I don’t deserve to be hurt by England football teams this often I really don’t

July 26 2017

20:01

fruitsgood:

targuzzler:

….mayo is good on fries ok

i have an overwhelming urge to tell you that you are wrong but i don’t know for certain because i have never tried that and i never will out of fear

July 15 2017

09:13

Placebo absolutely fucking killed it last night, if you get a chance to see them live do it

July 12 2017

08:56

Finally got the official confirmation that I’m moving to third year 🎉🎉

July 07 2017

10:31

County funding of sexual health services now means I can’t get a prescription of the pill from my sexual health clinic which is honestly top notch

July 06 2017

12:55
6588 78ba 390

June 20 2017

20:28

All I’m saying is Jac going mad with grief and then her and Serena having eachother to talk to about stuff when she gets back

20:24

jynxtsilevon:

singing-supper:

Carrie Fisher’s autopsy reveals she had high levels of “Mind your own fucking business” as well as “Who the fuck made that report public anyway”

The autopsy revealed she  drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra. We already knew this

19:45

Ok so I have warmed to Jasmine slightly more very recently but her dying because she can’t keep her nose out of anything would be a pretty fitting end

19:10

gentlekingsmen:

hulksmashley:

Literally nothing will ever be as satisfying as the 4 minute long fight sequence in Kingsman: The Secret Service, in which Colin Firth mercilessly wastes an entire Westboro Basptist Church like congregation as the guitar solo from Lynard Skynard’s 1973 anthem Freebird plays in the background.

June 12 2017

09:21

My mate’s boyfriend decided to tell her he cheated on her back in december like 3 days before exams and honestly why are people so shit

June 09 2017

10:57
7216 8784 390
07:04

Wild

June 04 2017

13:59
5488 0f4a 390

June 03 2017

12:42

No offence but I’m not sure I’m ever going to get over seeing my lecturer in her bike leathers and honestly this is my no. 1 gay moment

May 31 2017

01:27

No offence but why does drunk me insist on being such a twat

May 29 2017

23:44
8254 193a
11:38
7865 95aa 390
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